This concept is inspired by a weird-ass dream I had last night. The dream, I can only suppose, was inspired by something I ate.

16 contestants vie for a chance to become a real-live trucker. The show, called “Smokey and the Donald,” presents the contestants with a new transportation task each week (smuggling Mexican hookers across the border for the Southern Baptist Convention meeting in Las Vegas, for instance). All the while, they have to avoid being caught by an overzealous billionaire sheriff with really bad hair from New Jersey. At the end of each episode, the sheriff takes the last place finishers into custody, muttering incoherently about “goddamn sumbitches,” and hauls them off to a hoosegow in rural Mississippi where they become Dick Cheney’s “hunting buddies” for a week.

There are dramatic twists. Three or four times during the season the last place finisher will get a reprieve because the sheriff is too busy feeling up truck stop waitresses to do his job.

I smell ratings!