Republicans

The most dangerous word in Washington: “reform”

Republicans

“Reform” is a DC euphemism for “somebody is about to get fucked.” The McDonald’s hot coffee case illustrates the point.

Sam Ervin, the late, famed North Carolina senator who presided over the Nixon impeachment trial, once said anytime he heard someone describe himself as a “simple country lawyer” he immediately checked to make sure his wallet was still there. Continue reading “The most dangerous word in Washington: “reform””

Labor-Day

Why is America still celebrating Socialism? Labor Day has to end.

It’s time America said enough to Commie holidays.

Labor-Day

What is Labor Day and where did it come from? Let’s turn to Wikipedia for a brief summary:

Beginning in the late 19th century, as the trade union and labor movements grew, different groups of trade unionists chose a variety of days on which to celebrate labor. In the United States a September holiday called Labor Day was first proposed in the 1880s. An early history of the holiday dates the event’s origins to a General Assembly of the Knights of Labor convened in New York City in September 1882. In conjunction with this clandestine Knights assembly a public parade of various labor organizations was held on September 5 under the auspices of the Central Labor Union (CLU) of New York. Secretary of the CLU Matthew Maguire is credited for first proposing that a national Labor Day holiday subsequently be held on the first Monday of each September in the aftermath of this successful public demonstration.

So, Labor Day is rank Socialism, then? Pretty much. Continue reading “Why is America still celebrating Socialism? Labor Day has to end.”

Bruce Bartlett and the faux-serious political person kabuki boogaloo

Bartlett, long a fluffer for those who helped make America suck again, has now rebranded himself as a principled serious person who can be counted on to criticize both sides. You know, seriously. All he’s doing, though, is proving that us non-serious wackadoodles are right. Dear Bruce: please do fuck off.

Bob Burnett has posted a crisp analysis of what’s gone wrong with the two parties, and he focuses mainly on the Democrats’ struggle to deal with our little oligarchy problem. The thrust of his argument is that the Dems have lost their soul. Well, yes. And I do know a thing or two about that.

A little fluffy, maybe, but most of what he says is on the money. He concludes thusly: Continue reading “Bruce Bartlett and the faux-serious political person kabuki boogaloo”

Honoring the men who made Memorial Day possible

Today is Memorial Day, the annual holiday where we pay tribute to those who gave their lives in service to their country.

As always, not enough attention is focused on the men who made those ultimate sacrifices possible. for example:

  • William Randolph Hearst and Joseph Pulitzer, whose baldfaced lies propaganda brand of yellow journalism sucked the US into the Spanish-American War.
  • “Give ‘Em Hell” Harry Truman, who decided that the best way to contain China and/or the Soviets was to get involved in Korea.
  • John F. Kennedy, who reviewed the American experience in Korea and concluded that it worked so well we should take the same show on the road to Vietnam.
  • Lyndon Johnson, who inherited Kennedy’s unsuited deuce/seven and saw an opportunity to go all-in.
  • Bush the First, who realized te importance of protecting democracy in Kuwait.
  • Bush the Second and his minions Rumsfeld, Powell and Cheney, who cocked up whatever “evidence” was necessary to get our brave young future Memorial Day honorees into Iraq where they could put an end to all those WMDs and snuff out al Qaeda, which was in Pakistan, which is in Iraq.

Continue reading “Honoring the men who made Memorial Day possible”

Atheists in heaven? Vatican spin machine leaps into action

CATEGORY: ReligionRemember back in the ’80s when Ronald Reagan would ramble on in front of a crowd, saying all kinds of crazy shit? And immediately after, the reporters would turn to his handlers, who would explain that the president hadn’t said what he just said, that he had in fact said the exact opposite? That’s where the term “spin” came from, and boy, were those the days. Continue reading “Atheists in heaven? Vatican spin machine leaps into action”

Goddamned wasteful gummit spending: Who’s the highest (over)paid “public servant” in your state? (WTF?)

A Special Guest Commentary From Randy Wayne Boudreau, Grand Dragon of the Alabama Tea Party

All right thinking citizen patriots hate gummit. Wasteful bureaucrats living off hard workers like you and me. Might as well be welfare queens.

And now, thanks to the good folks at Deadspin – private, non-union workers, I should note – we know who the highest paid gummit bloodsuckers around the country are.

Continue reading “Goddamned wasteful gummit spending: Who’s the highest (over)paid “public servant” in your state? (WTF?)”

Squirrel!: Welcome to the Ricky Bobby School of Management

BusinessPart two of a series.

Ricky Bobby is not a thinker…He is a doer. – Talladega Nights

In part one of this series, we talked about a new analysis that explains how important stupidity is to the modern corporation. Today we’re going to have a look at what this means for you.

In short, despite what you’ve been told your whole life, being smart may not be good for your career. Continue reading “Squirrel!: Welcome to the Ricky Bobby School of Management”

American Business: Powered by Stupid®

Part one of a series.

Phil Rizzuto: “Hey Yogi I think we’re lost.”

Yogi Berra: “Yeah, but we’re making great time!”

BusinessYou know how certain segments of society think that governments and universities and public school systems ought to be “run like businesses”? And how those same people bitch at length about how messed up their companies are and by the way, their bosses are complete morons. Yeah. Me, too.

Truth is, hardly anything should be run more like a business. Including, you know, businesses. There can be appalling levels of stupidity at work in even the best of companies: counterproductive decision making, breathtaking short-sightedness, a robust commitment to keeping smart people as far away from meaningful authority as possible – these are all too often the hallmarks of real businesses. Continue reading “American Business: Powered by Stupid®”

The devil is in the details: WHICH Christianity are we making the official state religion, exactly?

Legislators in North Carolina recently introduced a bill to make Christianity the official state religion. That bill has now been turfed, but we can probably expect similar moves in the future.

An Omnibus Poll, sponsored by YouGov.com and the Huffington Post, reveals just how far from the nation’s roots we have traveled on the subject of separating church and state and retaining the nation’s neutrality when it comes to how Americans chose to practice their respective religions.

According to the survey, 34 percent of Americans would favor making Christianity their official state religion while less than half (47 percent) oppose the concept. Thirty-two percent of those polled indicated that they would also favor a constitutional amendment that would make Christianity the official religion of the United States with just over half (52 percent) opposing the notion.

Leaving aside for a second the abject failure of millions of Americans to grasp the most basic precepts of their Constitution, this poll actually provides more questions than answers. Continue reading “The devil is in the details: WHICH Christianity are we making the official state religion, exactly?”

New NRA proposal doesn’t go far enough: has Wayne LaPierre submitted to the liberal gun control lobby?

The National Rifle Association has issued a recommendation for safeguarding America’s schools. A task force working for the National Rifle Association recommended Tuesday that at least one armed guard be stationed on every campus in America as part of a … Continue reading New NRA proposal doesn’t go far enough: has Wayne LaPierre submitted to the liberal gun control lobby?

The seven kinds of rape (thx to the GOP for sorting this out)

Back in the old days rape was rape. Or, at most, there were two kinds. There was the “put on a ski mask and rape her at knifepoint” type and there was the “she said she was 18” statutory type. Which wasn’t really rape at all, because, I mean, LOOK at her. And she really wanted it.

These days it’s more complicated. There’s ALL KINDS of rape, and it’s important to understand the differences because some of them have distinctly religious implications. That is, if you’re being raped, it helps to be aware of whether or not it’s God’s will, for instance. That way you can know whether or not you should be enjoying it (in a holy spirit way, not a sins of the flesh way, you whore) and you can even be thinking about whether or not you’ll be blessed with a pregnancy. Maybe you can even start thinking about baby names. Continue reading “The seven kinds of rape (thx to the GOP for sorting this out)”

Elections are educational! 14 things we wouldn’t have known without Campaign 2012

Everybody seems to be so negative about campaign season. They hate the ads, they hate the mudslinging, they hate the lying, they hate the candidates.

Not me – I LOVE campaign season. Why? Because it’s an opportunity to learn stuff that not only didn’t I know before, but that I’d never learn any other way. Continue reading “Elections are educational! 14 things we wouldn’t have known without Campaign 2012”

Announcing a new policy: I’m going to slap you in the lips.

I had a small disagreement with a hotel yesterday.

I had booked for three nights, but a change of plans required me to cut the trip short and come home a day early. As the clerk was processing the change, she said that she’d be refunding the third night, minus a “15% administrative fee.” Now, I know that changes like this don’t manage themselves magically, and I understand that I was inconveniencing them a tad, so I didn’t put up a fight. However, I won’t be back. Continue reading “Announcing a new policy: I’m going to slap you in the lips.”

NFL announces new fan promotion: YOU make the call. In the Super Bowl!

In an attempt to quell growing fan unrest over the job being done by its replacement officials, the NFL today announced a new promotion it expects to increase public engagement with the national pastime. Commissioner Roger Goodell says the YOU MAKE THE CALL! contest will randomly select nine lucky fans to officiate Super Bowl XLVII in New Orleans.

The contest hearkens back to the old You Make the Call series, where the TV audience was presented with an actual game situation and asked to decide the correct call. Continue reading “NFL announces new fan promotion: YOU make the call. In the Super Bowl!”

UPDATED: Waiting for a package: delivery guarantees deciphered #wtf

I ordered something from an online retailer last week and in checkout I selected the 3-7 day delivery option. As a public service, I thought I’d take a few moments of the time I’m spending sitting by the mailbox to deconstruct some shipping terminology for you.

Here’s the term: Guaranteed delivery in 3-7 business days. Seems straightforward enough. But what does it mean specifically?

  1. Start with the “3.” That part is from Marketing. Continue reading “UPDATED: Waiting for a package: delivery guarantees deciphered #wtf”

Rush Limbaugh blames feminists for his tiny penis (but maybe the real cause is Oxycontin)

Credit Joshua Holland with that headline, which I’m stealing gleefully. Rush really is the gift that keeps on giving, isn’t he?

In case you missed it:

Rush Limbaugh went on a tirade today about how “feminazis” and “chickification” are to blame for the fact that he has a tiny dick the average penis is 10 percent smaller than 50 years ago:

Rush Limbaugh on Thursday lashed out at feminists — who he called “feminazis” — over the news that male genitalia are shrinking.

The conservative radio host pointed to an Italian study which found that the average male penis was 10 percent smaller than 50 years ago. Continue reading “Rush Limbaugh blames feminists for his tiny penis (but maybe the real cause is Oxycontin)”

NFLPA chief DeMaurice Smith on threat to strike over ref lockout: “I was just talkin’ some shit”

Editor’s Note: Dr. Sid Bonesparkle of the S&R Sports Desk caught up with DeMaurice Smith, head of the NFL Players Association, in between meetings yesterday. What follows is a transcript of their candid conversation.

S&R: Thanks for making a few minutes for us. I know you’re busy.

Smith: No problem. I’m always glad to speak with the press.

S&R: So, last week, you called the NFL’s lockout of its referees “absurd” and suggested that if the league didn’t take care of the situation the players might strike themselves. However, the season started Wednesday night with replacement officials – including at least one they recruited from the Lingerie Football League – and there was not even a hint of resistance from the players. What happened?

Smith: Oh, that? I was just talkin’ shit. Continue reading “NFLPA chief DeMaurice Smith on threat to strike over ref lockout: “I was just talkin’ some shit””