Okay, by now you’ve probably all seen that a NM judge lifted the restraining order against David Letterman. What I’d like to know is what in the name of Justice Thomas was going through that wingnut’s head to issue the order in the first place?

Let’s review:

• Woman claims Dave has been sending her secret coded messages over the airwaves so incessantly that it constitutes “mental harassment and hammering”
• She alleged that his subliminal messages – including, supposedly, an entreaty to marry him and become his co-host – had caused her sleep deprivation, pushed her into bankruptcy and inflicted general “mental cruelty”.
• His marriage proposal supposedly came in a teaser for his show in which he said, jokingly, “Marry me, Oprah.” According to Ms Nestler, Oprah was the first of many code names he used for her.
• The code became more sophisticated and complex over time.

I mean, I’m not a judge. I’ve never been to law school. But I can’t help thinking that if you brought this sack of fruitbats into my courtroom, the only restraining order I’d be issuing would be the one where I ordered you slapped into restraints.

The court’s defense of itself is pretty much procedural:

The judge granted the request, noting that the original restraining order was granted merely as a matter of “proper pleading” – a legal term meaning that the paperwork was filled out correctly, no more and no less.

So, let me make sure I understand. In New Mexico, I can get legal orders issued against pretty much anybody for pretty much any reason no matter how many wackjob certificates are on file for me so long as I know how to file a form?! And even better, New Mexico judges have never heard of “jurisdiction”? (Unless maybe the judge thought Connecticut was a town near Tucumcari?)

Oh, dear. Your taxpayer dollars at work, Ye Fortunate Citizens of the Land of Enchantment.

The good news is that President Taft has been badgering me to stop eating transfats every time I flip on the Japanese soccer highlights show, and now, by god, I realize that I have the law on my side. Praise Jebus – gonna be a litigious New Year at Sammy’s house…..