There’s about a brazilian stories today on Mission Impossible 3‘s underwhelming performance at the box office. The studio says funny things like it’s not disappointed, and in general they’re slathering this limp roadkill biscuit with all the spin jelly it will hold.

But seriously, are you surprised? It’s not that Tom Cruise has spent the last year acting up – I mean, that’s a good thing so long as you act up in a cute, scampish, all-American boy kind of way. But if you act up in an I’m a nutjob who needs his ass kicked kind of way – and there’s nothing scampish about scowling, bullying behavior – that’s going to take some sparkle out of the audience’s eye.

So Tom – smile more, keep your people as far away from South Park‘s Parker and Stone as is humanly possible, and don’t, under any circumstances, talk about Scientology.

I apologize if I’ve inadvertently given my dear readers cause to suspect that I give a happy goddamn, by the way…