I officially retired last week.

This wasn’t my plan, but I got laid off last November, and since then I’ve been rejected for 199 jobs.

The tribe has spoken, I suppose.

I haven’t slept well in a long time. When I wake up in the morning, it takes a few seconds to orient myself. To understand where I am. To beat down the sense of dread and make myself believe that it’s going to be okay. To remember my plan for the day, which always includes some effort toward finding a new gig. And this assumes I don’t first have to talk myself down from some nightmare or another.

Unfortunately, it’s still happening a week later. All this, despite the fact that I have a remarkable fiancé, and other than job concerns, I’m happier than I’ve ever been.

0-fer

0-for-almost-200 takes a toll. I’ve done good work. I’ve had moments of success—tremendous success. But there’s no acknowledgment of that, no validation. And, not to put too fine a point on it, no paycheck.

I can’t let 0-for-199 be my legacy. I may never have been someone that companies build statues to or that universities name buildings after, but I did okay, and there are witesses.

Sam Smith Résumé vFINAL

As my last professional exercise, I spent the day yesterday pulling together my final résumé. It’s a summary document that includes all the things I did, even the stuff I tried to hide this last few years.

Why hide? Because if you include the date you graduated from college, HR will know you’re old. If you include job experience from more than the past 10 years, they’ll know you’re going to want too much money. And god help you if you include anything referencing advanced education, because then they’ll know you’re an egghead who doesn’t fit in the real world.

Maybe this doc is a little self-serving. Maybe I think too highly of myself in the summary at the top. But after 40-plus years of headwinds and successes, after interminable wars with various and sundry corporate sociopaths, after subjecting myself to the bottomless stupidity and perky malevolence of human resources, I feel like I’ve earned the right to say a few words on my way out the door.

I had the privilege of collaborating with some outstanding people along the way, and for them, I’m grateful. I hope they read this résumé, take note of the places where we worked together, and know how much I respect them, not just as colleagues, but as human beings.

And now, on to what comes next…

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Click here to see vFINAL résumé for Sam Smith.