Last night we noticed a car out by our driveway doing something. Then whoever it was moved across the street and did whatever they were doing at the two houses over there. As the driver backed out and turned up the road, his headlights illuminated the small flag he had planted by our mailbox.

Ah, that’s right – June 14, Flag Day. A local company – and one I do business with, in fact – was out attempting to honor America, but in doing so they were actually dishonoring its official colors.

If the problems aren’t already obvious, then you haven’t been schooled in basic flag etiquette, as outlined in the US Code, Title 4. This local business committed at least two breaches with every flag they planted – do you know what they were? (2pm update – we’re now up to three breaches, as one of the flags has fallen over onto the ground.)

(From an e-mail last night, I understand that Brian at daedalnexus will be offering a piece on the rules of flag display later, so I’ll restrain myself from offering a detailed etiquette lesson for the moment.)

I do want to briefly comment on the ironies attending the all-too-frequent breaches of flag etiquette I see around me. Some of the most common violations I see include:

• Flags being allowed to touch the ground (I wind up screaming at the TV everytime the flag is parachuted into a stadium before a game, and as the parachutist lands the flag is allowed to drag across 30 yards of turf like a dirty rag).
• The flag displayed flat, like you see so often in football halftime shows with hundreds of kids standing around holding the edges.



• Flags worn as clothing (Kid Rock needs beating for this, as well as for his “music”).
• Flags allowed to stand in the dark (as happened all up and down my road last night, in fact).
• Flags allowed to fly in the rain (non-all weather flags – if it’s an all-weather flag, that’s fine).
• Flags with imprinted words or designs on them.
• And the most egregious sin – flags used in advertising (Sec. 8:i reads, in part: The flag should never be used for advertising purposes in any manner whatsoever).

I said “ironic,” didn’t I? Well, the problem here is that the people most prone to waving the flag (and draping themselves in it, both literally and metaphorically – Dr. Johnson tells us that “patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel”) display the most appalling lack of respect for the actual rules governing its use. You’d think the hyper-patriot crowd would be the ones who’d know the most about flag etiquette, wouldn’t you?

You can’t imagine how badly this gripes a guy like me, who has on any number of occasions had representatives from certain segments of the political spectrum (high on the god-n-country rhetoric scale, comparatively lower on the education scale) suggest that people who hold views like mine aren’t patriotic. That we hate America, provide support and comfort for its enemies, and so on.

In response to these sentiments, let me pledge my allegiance to the flag by promising that on Flag Day 2k5, I will not desecrate my nation’s symbol, either out of disrespect for the Republic or sheer ignorance.

Or maybe that’s just what I’d like you to think. Maybe I’m really going to sneak off to meet a bunch of my freedom-hating liberal friends so we can sacrifice virgins to Satan and plot ways of helping al Qaeda overthrow our government…..