More Lullaby, less Pit?
In explaining – or attempting to explain – the Lullaby Pit Brand© to a friend recently, I was noting how the name of the place was intended to slam together a dark and foreboding element (pit) with an element that signified beauty (lullaby). I’m not sure how people read it on their own, but that’s what was in my head as I put the site together back in spring of 1994. Anyway, if you look at what the site has been over the past few years, you see it has been dominated by politics and cultural commentary, most of which plays to my inner pissed off, raging smartmouthed punk. Or seen another way, the pit half of the equation.
My friend thinks it would be nice to hear more balance, though – that is, more of the voice of the lullaby. This is perhaps not such a bad idea, as I think about it. While casting lots of bright light into the dark lairs of American power is a valuable exercise, it’s also true that it takes a toll on the soul after a while. In my case, I guess I feel like it comes at a cost. Not only do I become what I do, but that also becomes the image that others have of me. I don’t want to be perceived as a bitch, even if those who think that’s what I am believe I’m a smart bitch, a bitch with remarkable insights, a bitch worth reading daily, whatever. At my absolute bitchiest, that’s barely a percent of who I am in toto, I guess I’m trying to say.
So here I am, packing and making ready to move on to the next big phase of my life. Without a place to live yet. Without a job. Really taking a massive leap of faith and praying that something out there catches me before I hit the ground. Moments like this, moments of transition and change, are always opportunities to stop and have a look in the mirror. Assess, critique, revise. Last year at this time I thought I had a pretty good idea who I was and what I was ideally suited – nay, fated – to do. I was a teacher. My move to New York was the final realization of the path I’d set out on way back in the late ’80s – the long hard road to professorship. All was right with the world, sort of.
Turns out I was wrong. Maybe I was tunnel-visioned, and maybe I simply lacked the data I needed to make the best decisions. But a year later, I now know with certainty that I’m not who I thought I was a year ago, and the things I was wrong about aren’t peripheral – they’re things that define the core of my professional identity. Which is a scary thing to be so wrong about.
Right now I know where I’m moving to geographically, but the grand equation of my life is otherwise mostly variables. I do think back to what my friend said, and I think she’s right. More lullaby, less pit. More beauty, less rage. More art, less politics.
Not that the rage and politics are going away, of course – but I think I should seek more balance.
So there you have it. Meanwhile, over at 5th_estate, lottelita has kicked off a thread on literary elitism which has now turned to the proper function of art in popular culture. I’m enjoying the conversation….
lullaby pit 
I’m sorry to hear that you’re leaving — I never got a chance to stop by your office on campus. The school needs voices like yours.
Good luck with the next phase. I hope it brings some of the lullaby you need.
I’m sorry to hear that you’re leaving — I never got a chance to stop by your office on campus. The school needs voices like yours.
Good luck with the next phase. I hope it brings some of the lullaby you need.
>>I’m sorry to hear that you’re leaving — I never got a chance to stop by your office on campus. The school needs voices like yours.<<
Heh – not everybody at the school would agree with you, I fear…. 🙂
>>Good luck with the next phase. I hope it brings some of the lullaby you need.<<
Many thanks. We’re optimistic, despite the sheer scariness of the leap….
>>I’m sorry to hear that you’re leaving — I never got a chance to stop by your office on campus. The school needs voices like yours.<<
Heh – not everybody at the school would agree with you, I fear…. 🙂
>>Good luck with the next phase. I hope it brings some of the lullaby you need.<<
Many thanks. We’re optimistic, despite the sheer scariness of the leap….
Very interesting explanation of it all. Hey, I enjoy the pit, but look forward to the lullaby.
Very interesting explanation of it all. Hey, I enjoy the pit, but look forward to the lullaby.
Balance is a good thing.
Aloha,
Jeff
Balance is a good thing.
Aloha,
Jeff
Especially on a surfboard, eh? 🙂
Especially on a surfboard, eh? 🙂
Balance does help on a board. I sadly regret that I will be out of the water for 2 months and won’t be able to go out until October.
Bummer.
Aloha,
Jeff
Balance does help on a board. I sadly regret that I will be out of the water for 2 months and won’t be able to go out until October.
Bummer.
Aloha,
Jeff
After reading a bit about what you went through, I’m just glad you’ll be going back out period. I’m sure your wife would concur, eh?
After reading a bit about what you went through, I’m just glad you’ll be going back out period. I’m sure your wife would concur, eh?
Hee hee….Come see the softer side of Sam….? Bad, I know, but it IS better than ismart!
Hee hee….Come see the softer side of Sam….? Bad, I know, but it IS better than ismart!
More Lullaby…Less Pit
Sam Smith, I say embrace what you are and rejoice in the ever fluidity of your life. Day to day isn’t always balanced…we experience consecutive years of pits and consecutive years of lullabies. It gets confusing because we feel like life should be balanced, but the irony of life is that we have to experience long lengths of pits to appreciate the gift of a lullaby.
Please know this Sam Smith, you influenced my life with your ever so complicated imbalance. To those on the surface you seem complicated and cold, to those who seek truth and self understanding, you are inspirational and deep. I’ve experienced the pit side of you and I’ve experienced the lullaby side of you as well…I like them both.You are an exceptional professor, consultant, internet guy, whatever hat you are wearing in whatever stage of life you are in.
I have to laugh because I remember the day that I brought my puppy, Jacks, to class. I was so scared to see your reaction…but I didn’t have a choice. I had to bring him. I walked into class and you got down on your knees and said, “OHHH Puppy Dog” and that was when I knew exactly the kind of man that you are.
A ray of hope for you as well. I too have had several transitions in the last few years of my life. I have moved five times in three years and carried four different jobs. Think of it like this, there are always ways to make money. Hold out for the right job and make it your passion. Don’t be discouraged by the route of your life. Be excited that you know what it is you don’t want to do.
Know that you touch the right people in the right way. The others don’t pay close enough attention to even feel what it is like to be touched.
Good luck to you in your move. Jobs will come and go, people will come and go, but self discovery is constant. Congratualtions that you have challenged yourself and taken risks in your life. Continue to search until you find what you are looking for. You are a gift and an inspiration.
Alyson Reising
More Lullaby…Less Pit
Sam Smith, I say embrace what you are and rejoice in the ever fluidity of your life. Day to day isn’t always balanced…we experience consecutive years of pits and consecutive years of lullabies. It gets confusing because we feel like life should be balanced, but the irony of life is that we have to experience long lengths of pits to appreciate the gift of a lullaby.
Please know this Sam Smith, you influenced my life with your ever so complicated imbalance. To those on the surface you seem complicated and cold, to those who seek truth and self understanding, you are inspirational and deep. I’ve experienced the pit side of you and I’ve experienced the lullaby side of you as well…I like them both.You are an exceptional professor, consultant, internet guy, whatever hat you are wearing in whatever stage of life you are in.
I have to laugh because I remember the day that I brought my puppy, Jacks, to class. I was so scared to see your reaction…but I didn’t have a choice. I had to bring him. I walked into class and you got down on your knees and said, “OHHH Puppy Dog” and that was when I knew exactly the kind of man that you are.
A ray of hope for you as well. I too have had several transitions in the last few years of my life. I have moved five times in three years and carried four different jobs. Think of it like this, there are always ways to make money. Hold out for the right job and make it your passion. Don’t be discouraged by the route of your life. Be excited that you know what it is you don’t want to do.
Know that you touch the right people in the right way. The others don’t pay close enough attention to even feel what it is like to be touched.
Good luck to you in your move. Jobs will come and go, people will come and go, but self discovery is constant. Congratualtions that you have challenged yourself and taken risks in your life. Continue to search until you find what you are looking for. You are a gift and an inspiration.
Alyson Reising
Re: More Lullaby…Less Pit
Thanks, Alyson. It means a lot to hear from people who were tuned in and who did get something from what I was trying to do. To some degree, teachers have always done what they do not for the majority of students, but for the minority who really care enough to commit to the process of learning, and that means engaging their teachers in good faith. Some years there’s more, some years less. The ratio in the grad program wasn’t so bad, I suppose, but overall I felt like I was taking a worse beating than ever before and accomplishing less than ever before, and that I take as a sign that I might need to reconsider things. In my head my relationship to teaching was always a fairly simple equation – it was who I WAS. But this year I’ve learned that I rely on my students more than I ever realized, that there are two variables in the equation instead of just one. And the student variable has changed dramatically since the last time I taught seven years ago.
Maybe I come back to it someday, but before I do I need to get a better sense for what worked with students like you so that quality becomes the default experience of all my students, not just a rare few.
Still and all, as I head out the door and into whatever happens next, comments like yours give me a little more confidence, and when it comes to finding my next career move, I probably have a lot less confidence than my detractors would ever imagine possible.
I hope things are rocking for you these days, too. Come see us in NC…..
Re: More Lullaby…Less Pit
Thanks, Alyson. It means a lot to hear from people who were tuned in and who did get something from what I was trying to do. To some degree, teachers have always done what they do not for the majority of students, but for the minority who really care enough to commit to the process of learning, and that means engaging their teachers in good faith. Some years there’s more, some years less. The ratio in the grad program wasn’t so bad, I suppose, but overall I felt like I was taking a worse beating than ever before and accomplishing less than ever before, and that I take as a sign that I might need to reconsider things. In my head my relationship to teaching was always a fairly simple equation – it was who I WAS. But this year I’ve learned that I rely on my students more than I ever realized, that there are two variables in the equation instead of just one. And the student variable has changed dramatically since the last time I taught seven years ago.
Maybe I come back to it someday, but before I do I need to get a better sense for what worked with students like you so that quality becomes the default experience of all my students, not just a rare few.
Still and all, as I head out the door and into whatever happens next, comments like yours give me a little more confidence, and when it comes to finding my next career move, I probably have a lot less confidence than my detractors would ever imagine possible.
I hope things are rocking for you these days, too. Come see us in NC…..
Re: More Lullaby…Less Pit
Just a quick note to say that things are rocking for me. I just started in a position as the Marketing/PR Specialist for a program called IRIS. It deals with advocating for a state-wide immunization registry program targeting children 6 and younger. What is really amazing though is that I am an employee of a not-for profit health center that writes $3 million in grants a year and the mission is to provide quality healthcare to those in need of it.
I have already been able to copywrite a business plan and I am just really excited about the opportunity at hand.
Did the NYC, corporate PR thing as you know. Hated IT! Talk about feeling out of your element. I thought my head was going to spin off. A Senior VP at Edelman said, Gee I am surprised to see you go. I said, bottom line, don’t really see myself doing your job. I like the quality of my life too much.
My journey has been interesting and I’m sure there will be many more changes in my life, but for now I couldn’t be happier.
I was floating on the lake the other day and my mother said, “Really beats the city, huh Aly”. I was like totally.
Sam, go with the upmost confidence. Attack whatever you think is the right thing for you to do and get out quickly if it isn’t. One thing you and I have in common is our intuitive capability. I had a friend that rotted in a job just to say she put a year in. Not my life! Not your life!
I may just find myself in NC someday. I know where to find you…
Re: More Lullaby…Less Pit
Just a quick note to say that things are rocking for me. I just started in a position as the Marketing/PR Specialist for a program called IRIS. It deals with advocating for a state-wide immunization registry program targeting children 6 and younger. What is really amazing though is that I am an employee of a not-for profit health center that writes $3 million in grants a year and the mission is to provide quality healthcare to those in need of it.
I have already been able to copywrite a business plan and I am just really excited about the opportunity at hand.
Did the NYC, corporate PR thing as you know. Hated IT! Talk about feeling out of your element. I thought my head was going to spin off. A Senior VP at Edelman said, Gee I am surprised to see you go. I said, bottom line, don’t really see myself doing your job. I like the quality of my life too much.
My journey has been interesting and I’m sure there will be many more changes in my life, but for now I couldn’t be happier.
I was floating on the lake the other day and my mother said, “Really beats the city, huh Aly”. I was like totally.
Sam, go with the upmost confidence. Attack whatever you think is the right thing for you to do and get out quickly if it isn’t. One thing you and I have in common is our intuitive capability. I had a friend that rotted in a job just to say she put a year in. Not my life! Not your life!
I may just find myself in NC someday. I know where to find you…
Re: More Lullaby…Less Pit
I hear you. E-mail or call when you can….
Re: More Lullaby…Less Pit
I hear you. E-mail or call when you can….
Re: More Lullaby…Less Pit
Once upon a time, I thought I knew what kind of job I was going to do for the rest of my life. I was wrong. Some of the reasons I was wrong are some of the same things you appear to have hit — the atmosphere in the field I was in changed and I didn’t like where it went. I was standing there watching it, but without the power to prevent the lousy stuff from arriving. I did, however, have the power to declare “not with my life, you don’t” and get out. I also had another thing I think you’re gifted with — a supportive person in my life to say “you’ll find the place you need to be.” He just kept saying that while I flailed a little bit (longer than I would have wanted), then helped me cheer when I landed again. You will also land in the right place, I think. And who knows? You may decide to change careers even one more time before you’re done. I don’t think we’re doing students any favors by letting them think that one job is going to fit most people for the rest of their lives.
Re: More Lullaby…Less Pit
Once upon a time, I thought I knew what kind of job I was going to do for the rest of my life. I was wrong. Some of the reasons I was wrong are some of the same things you appear to have hit — the atmosphere in the field I was in changed and I didn’t like where it went. I was standing there watching it, but without the power to prevent the lousy stuff from arriving. I did, however, have the power to declare “not with my life, you don’t” and get out. I also had another thing I think you’re gifted with — a supportive person in my life to say “you’ll find the place you need to be.” He just kept saying that while I flailed a little bit (longer than I would have wanted), then helped me cheer when I landed again. You will also land in the right place, I think. And who knows? You may decide to change careers even one more time before you’re done. I don’t think we’re doing students any favors by letting them think that one job is going to fit most people for the rest of their lives.
Well, For the short time I have been able to stop by your office, if nothing more than to shoot the breeze, I have come to the realization that no matter what you decide you’ll land on your feet. I’m sure you and your family will make a go of what ever the Fates throw at you. Hell, you survived a year in Western New York–at SBU–what else can the Fates do, right?
As I’ve said before, you will be missed by a lot of us. You have infected my mind in ways that no one has attempted before.
I will forever hold the time I had in your “tutelage” and will continue to pick your brain! I have a capstone I need to do you know. I think I have decided to continue the subject I touched the surface of in CT&C.
Good luck, yet again.
Well, For the short time I have been able to stop by your office, if nothing more than to shoot the breeze, I have come to the realization that no matter what you decide you’ll land on your feet. I’m sure you and your family will make a go of what ever the Fates throw at you. Hell, you survived a year in Western New York–at SBU–what else can the Fates do, right?
As I’ve said before, you will be missed by a lot of us. You have infected my mind in ways that no one has attempted before.
I will forever hold the time I had in your “tutelage” and will continue to pick your brain! I have a capstone I need to do you know. I think I have decided to continue the subject I touched the surface of in CT&C.
Good luck, yet again.
Who’s going to be advising that capstone, btw?
Who’s going to be advising that capstone, btw?