CVS announces it will stop beating its wife


Perhaps you heard: CVS has announced that it will stop selling cigarettes.

I know what you’re thinking – this is awesome! But before we all break out the kneepads and chapstick, let’s ask ourselves a question: why the fuck was a HEALTHCARE COMPANY selling GODDAMNED CIGARETTES in the first place?!

Here’s a fun question. How many people who bought cigarettes at CVS are now dead from cancer?

Health. Care. Pharmacy. Drug store. CURE people. Help them get BETTER, you amoral sociopathic death profiteering cocksuckers.

I do not give a happy motherfuck that CVS is forgoing $2 billion a year by 86ing the cancer sticks. Your physician could probably make more money selling crack on the side, too. The issue isn’t that CVS is giving up $2B a year – it’s that CVS has been making $2B a year giving people cancer.

It’s like, hi, I’m Sam, and I’m a heart surgeon/undertaker.

I’m glad CVS will no longer beat its wife. But I’m damned if I’m going to slap a wife-beater on the back.


Walgreens, you’re on the clock.

Jesus is coming, and if you think he busted some moneychanger ass, just wait until you see the stick he’s going to break off in CVS’ ass.


  • Jesus is not coming, he’s celibate…. ohhh, no!

  • It’s time to stop bashing cigarettes, unless you’re also going to bash gambling, sugary drinks, candy, over the counter meds, alcohol, Vicodin, etc, etc. Cigarettes are an unpleasant delivery mechanism for a mood altering drug with unpleasant side effects, but every one who uses them understands the risks and makes a choice. Bashing CVS for selling a legal product is silly and puerile. Almost everything in that store, or in any store for that matter, does significant harm.

    • Everything that’s bad for you isn’t EQUALLY bad for you, and some things that are bad also have value. Red meat can cause your cholesterol to rise, but it’s also a source of protein. Cigarettes have no positive value.

      Not arguing that they’re legal or that they shouldn’t be. I’m a staunch social libertarian. But I have ethical issues with people who are ostensibly in the curing business pimping something that’s nothing but harmful to the customer (and those standing nearby).

      As I say, doctors dealing crack….

  • i think addicts, like my son who chews nicorette until his jaw is falling off, would argue that nicotine is a powerful psychotropic with positive effects–calming, concentration

    • I get the chemical realities of the things. I grew up with a smoker and it’s a damned miracle I wasn’t dead of second hand smoke by the time I was 12. Seriously, I get that. But you’re close to arguing that pharmacies should sell cigarettes. Should doctors prescribe them?

      I know you love the iconoclastic tilt here and there, but this is an odd one for you to be arguing.

  • this is one of those odd cases where i’m not trying to provoke. i used to be violently anti-smoking and argue that you had to do everything possible to wipe it out, but over time I’ve reversed my position, just as i have on gun control and prostitution. i’ve come to think you cant get rid of things people want–alcohol, drugs, prostittution, gamblng, guns, and outlawing it really does less good than regulating it. this is one of those cases where i think every human being on this planet has been appropriately warned. more than warned–we’ve actively persecuted smokers. there’s no reason for anyone to experiment with a dangerous drug like nicotine or drug delivery system like cigarettes.

    what changed my mind was when my idiot brother started smoking when he was 25, long past the teen peer pressure years, despite the fact that smoking killed my mother. because he’s not really an idiot, he’s a smart guy and a good, thoughful, and responsible man. if he wants to chop ten years off the end of his life, at some point i’ve got to say not for me to judge.

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