The Yellowhammer State is home to hundreds of thousands of the worst “Christians” on the face of the earth.

Let’s look at some numbers from yesterday’s Alabama senatorial election.

• Republican Roy Moore received 650,436 votes. Democrat Doug Jones received 671,151.
• In last year’s presidential election, Donald Trump received 1,318,255 votes to Hillary Clinton’s 729,547.
• We expect higher turnouts in presidential years, and yesterday was no exception, with the total number of voters down about 35.2%.
• However, the declines weren’t remotely proportional by party. The Dem turnout decreased by only 8%, while the GOP turnout dropped by a whopping 50.66%. In absolute terms, this adds up to a +/- of 609,423 votes in the Democrats’ favor. Check my math, but I think that’s close.
• However, of the Republicans who did show up, 91% voted for Moore.

What do we make of this? Some possible conclusions:

• Trump campaigned hard for Moore in the closing days, so perhaps his influence isn’t what it once was?
• Or perhaps this was a referendum on Trump, which means his popularity has waned. Bigly.
• While Bammers may not exactly like Jones, at least he ain’t a woman or a nigra.

Or does it mean Alabamians aren’t in favor of pedophilia after all? Well, mixed bag there. I mean, over 650k of them did vote for the Playground Cruiser. And just over a year ago more than 1.3m godfearing Christian souls flocked to the polls to register their support for a pussy-grabbing pathological liar. So – maybe they’re okay with the idea that once she’s 18 she’s fair game?

Hard to say. There’s much to think about here, that’s for sure. Maybe it’s a good sign for those of us who want to move society forward out of Leviticus. Or … maybe not.

Sgt Schultz, Alabama Republican

See, those missing 617,000+ people didn’t show up to make clear they won’t tolerate pedophilia. They stayed home. They sat it out. They called in gutless. They looked the other way. Metaphorically speaking, they stumbled upon a child-rape in progress and instead of doing something – anything – they passed on by, whistling as though nothing was happening. Their idea of combatting evil is to not actively participate themselves.

Not sure what book of the Bible that’s in. Probably Romans. I’m sure it’s in there somewhere.

So yes, we’re happy that Alabama got it right, if by the slimmest of margins and under the most extreme of circumstances. But let’s not get too excited about the moral renaissance in the Heart of Dixie. Not holding the little girl down yourself isn’t the same as dragging the attacker off of her.

Yellowhammer State, my doughy ass. Yellowbelly State is more like it. Y’all #fakechristians might want to start practicing your speeches for Jesus, because on Judgment Day I expect this is going to come up.