Three Days in The Hole: Facebook Almost Gets One Right

I just got out of the Mark Zuckerberg Maximum Security Online Penitentiary. Here’s what I went down for:

Japanese model

On this share from my friend Mike I commented: “I want to shoot this model.” Those of you know my work will understand why.

I’ve posted a million photographs over the last decade and have owned multiple photography pages ON FACEBOOK. This data would lead any half-bright algorithm or tech sector professional to conclude that I’m a PHOTOGRAPHER.

One would hope that even a half-baked AI would have figured out by now that in photography, “shoot” means “photograph.” One would be wrong.

The most disturbing thing is this. Mike pointed out that in an environment of increased violence against Asians my comment might be legitimately concerning. He’s absolutely right, and had I thought about it I’d have worded my comment differently. (Of course, algorithms and AI are very specifically there to provide context and understand synonyms, but we’ll leave that for another day.)

So I accept that Facebook had a point. They take a guy’s “threat” to shoot a model seriously. I plead guilty and accept my punishment. But…

Their solution is three days in the virtual hoosegow?! Because we know from experience the best way to prevent stalker murder is to ban them from Facebook? Like, that’s WAY better than, you know, calling the goddamned cops.

Had I been an actual psychopath and had a somehow tracked this woman down and shot her, Facebook’s PR tapeworms could tell reporters “hey, we suspended him for three whole days! What else could we possibly have done?”

Oh well. Facebook gonna Facebook.

In the meantime, Zuck and his minions can take turns gargling the fur off my silky, piquant clockweights.

Suspend that, motherfuckers.


That remarkable photo was taken by Anastasia Leonova.


  • I’ve been in Facebook Gaol for 5 months now. My crime? I didn’t have 2-factor authentication turned on. Someone crashed my account and put some nasty stuff out there.

    There is no way to get a hearing from a human and no way to appeal.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s