Where the hell is my trash can?

So, my new trashcan is missing. It was outside and had a couple heavy bags of garbage in it. Now, we had some serious wind last night – we’re in the midst of the windstorm from hell right now – so I initially thought maybe the wind got it and blew it away. But:

  1. The lid was laying five feet away, and in that kind of wind you’d think it would be Zeus’s own frisbee.
  2. I walked all around the house, up and down the street, into the open space across the road – nada.
  3. The garbage is gone, too. Now, if the can was going to blow away, you’d think it would have tipped and dumped the garbage, right? And while the can might fly, those two bags of garbage lacked anything remotely like aerodynamic potential.

So is there a garbage can thief in the neighborhood? I mean, if you need a new garbage can and you’re a certain kind of loser maybe you figure free beats whatever they’re charging down the street at Lowe’s.

But again, the garbage is gone. Surely you wouldn’t steal the trash, too?

I’m flummoxed. Seriously. I guess it’s possible that the wind carried the whole shooting match off and that my trashcan is currently touring Erie, CO. But if it made that trip without dumping the trash inside, there are some crews in Daytona right now who can learn a thing or two from the folks that designed it.

In the meantime, if anybody finds a new garbage can with a couple bags of standard household trash, give me a call.

:xpost:

31 comments

  • I think the CIA and/or FBI and/or NSA are keeping you under watch. All that moving around…making noises about running for president…listening to that evil rock and roll music…knocking the war on terrah…
    Yep. They took your trash. Hope you shredded everything. 🙂

  • I think the CIA and/or FBI and/or NSA are keeping you under watch. All that moving around…making noises about running for president…listening to that evil rock and roll music…knocking the war on terrah…
    Yep. They took your trash. Hope you shredded everything. 🙂

  • You better hope that ain’t what’s happening. You’re implicated in everything.

  • You better hope that ain’t what’s happening. You’re implicated in everything.

  • What makes you think I’m not a double agent? Muaaahahahaha.

  • What makes you think I’m not a double agent? Muaaahahahaha.

  • You’re a double idiot, maybe.

  • You’re a double idiot, maybe.

  • Isn’t that part of the job description?

  • Isn’t that part of the job description?

  • I saw your trash can, Sam. It was in Erie, Pa.
    That wind really blows.

  • I saw your trash can, Sam. It was in Erie, Pa.
    That wind really blows.

  • 100+ mph gusts over here, buddy. If it got a little airborn it MIGHT be in Erie, PA.
    If so, it’s probably dying of boredom.

  • 100+ mph gusts over here, buddy. If it got a little airborn it MIGHT be in Erie, PA.
    If so, it’s probably dying of boredom.

  • Hmmmm. I’ve got a round can, now lid-less. You have a lid, now can-less. You seem to be a pretty smart guy. If you can figure out a way to fit the round lid on the square can, you can have mine…

  • Hmmmm. I’ve got a round can, now lid-less. You have a lid, now can-less. You seem to be a pretty smart guy. If you can figure out a way to fit the round lid on the square can, you can have mine…

  • “Could I figure it out?” is less the question than “would it be cost-effective?”
    Of course, I know engineers who could turn that project into their whole lives….

  • “Could I figure it out?” is less the question than “would it be cost-effective?”
    Of course, I know engineers who could turn that project into their whole lives….

  • Seems pretty ridiculous, doesn’t it?
    It’s been a couple days now, and neither the can, the trash, or a plausible theory has emerged. The Lord works in mysterious ways.

  • Seems pretty ridiculous, doesn’t it?
    It’s been a couple days now, and neither the can, the trash, or a plausible theory has emerged. The Lord works in mysterious ways.

  • Seems pretty ridiculous, doesn’t it?

    It’s been a couple days now, and neither the can, the trash, or a plausible theory has emerged. The Lord works in mysterious ways.

  • Re: Where’s the Optimistic view?
    Ooops…I forgot to sign in…sorry!

  • Re: Where’s the Optimistic view?
    Ooops…I forgot to sign in…sorry!

  • “18/10/2009
    Dear Mr. :
    My name is Matsuko Kanagawa. I live in Hakodate, Japan. You will be amazed to learning that your waste receptacle washed up at the harbor just north of to my house as my husband and I gutted squid to preparation for Super Happy Neighborhood Calamari Extravagantsa. What a distance it has traveled! The wheels have been paralyzed by rust and sadness.
    We were not sure what to make of this discovery until an octopus who had stowed away in one of the plastic bags leapt out and attached itself to my face, your Hickory Farms bill and a summer sausage wrapper stuck to its suction testicles…”

  • Send me my damned trash can back, you malevolent Asian bastards.

  • Send me my damned trash can back, you malevolent Asian bastards.

  • This is a great piece! You should write more like it….fun and positive even in the face of such a criminal act. BTW if you lived in my current neighborhood you’d have plenty of inspiration! lol

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s