Massive calculus and physics hoax exposed

Oh dear: Newtongate: the final nail in the coffin of Renaissance and Enlightenment ‘thinking’

It’s now clear that “Sir” Isaac Newton and a series of co-conspirators were guilty of several crimes against science, including:

  • Conspiring to avoid public scrutiny
  • Insulting dissenting scientists and equating them with holocaust deniers
  • Manipulation of evidence
  • Knowingly publishing scientific fraud
  • Suppression of evidence
  • Abusing the peer review system
  • Insulting their critics

As this analysis makes clear:

If you own any shares in companies that produce reflecting telescopes, use differential and integral calculus, or rely on the laws of motion, I should start dumping them NOW.

We’ll keep you posted on this breaking story…


  • I always knew calculus was a sham. Anything that involves that many variables and imaginary numbers MUST be fake.

  • ~50% of Americans (99%+ of ‘real Americans’): “I don’t understand this ‘science’ thing, so must be a scam! I wonder what that friendly Nigerian prince who’s been emailing me has to say about this?”

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  • Yeah, and I’ll be they all scored “Ts” on their OWLS, too!

  • Actually, Leibniz, Cauchy and Weierstrass would agree with you…..

  • In related news, did you hear they found Gallileo’s fingers in a jar?

    Oh, and I walked out of calculus on the third day of class. When the professor asked me where I was going, I just looked around and said, “These are not my people.”

    That’s all I’ve got.

  • Jeff, I think that’s part of the joke. 🙂 Look up a book called Quicksilver by Stephenson. It’s kinda sorta in a roundabout way vaguely about this whole thing. Sorta.

  • Even with this scandal, I have to tip my cap to Newton. I mean, he lived, what, 300 years before the Holocaust? To be able to compare his detractors to Holocaust deniers BEFORE it even took place is eerie. It’s almost as if…as if HE WAS IN ON IT!!!!! DUN DUN DUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!

    And as for imaginary numbers, this is the most I learned of them.

  • Newton published his equations. Where are CRUs?

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