Ladies and gentlemen, the deepest throat in the history of sports journalism.

[sigh]

Read yesterday’s rant. Then check this.

Tiger is tied for 40th, 18 shots back, but that’s okay. He’s still the story. The only story. We’re assured, further down the screen, that [f]or Tiger, par 72 in Round 3 ranks as progress. Even better, if Patrick Reed wins, it will be because he wants to be like Tiger so it will be almost the same as if Tiger won himself!

Yay Tiger!

If Rory McIlroy comes back to win, will ESPN.com feature a closeup of Tiger with a tear rolling down his cheek because he lost by proxy? Maybe a headline like “Reed fails Tiger at Augusta”? Or “Woods prodigy spoils big comeback.”

Hell, I don’t know, maybe Rory is just like Tiger, too, and we don’t know it yet.

Yay Rory! Win one for the Tiger!

The lesson is this, children. If you’re studying digital journalism (or whatever they all it these days) in college with an eye toward a career in sports media:

1. Pay attention. This is a textbook case of how not to do it.
2. Pay attention. This is your future.