Trump’s GOP: the Family Feud party

Welcome to the GOP Family Feud, where there’s no answer so bad it won’t elicit enthusiastic, unanimous support.

Ever watch Family Feud?

It seems like this moment happens in every show. The question is something like “name a popular item of men’s clothing.” Turtle, the patriarch of the Gopfluffer family, hits the button and guesses “shirt.”


That’s the #1 answer!

The host (there have been several but it’s always Richard Dawson in my mind) moves down the next member of the family, Turtle’s slick-talking boy Paul. He guesses “pants,” which is correct.

But then the wheels fly off. Brother Mike guesses “clerical vestments.”

family feud

Mike can’t believe that isn’t on the list and neither can the rest of the family.

Aunt Ann, who suffers from a touch of Tourette’s, guesses “faggot liberal waistcoats.” Again, incorrect. And now the team has two strikes. One more incorrect guess and the Dino family can steal.

Unfortunately, the Gopfluffers could only round up four smart family members to be on the show, and as a result had to drag along Donnie, their drooling, orange-faced lackwit of a cousin.

Richard says “Donnie, it’s all up to you. One answer left. Give me a popular item of men’s clothing.”

Donnie stares blankly into space. The rest of the family holds its breath. Finally Donnie blurts out “STUDDED LEATHER THONGS!”

The entire studio falls silent for a couple of beats. Dawson arches an eyebrow and cuts a sideglance at the camera.

Then out of nowhere Ann starts clapping and yelling “GOOD ANSWER! GOOD ANSWER!” The rest of the family quickly joins in, clapping furiously and agreeing that indeed, Donnie has offered up a good answer.

Richard leans over and rests an elbow on the desk in front of Donnie. “So, studded leather thong, huh? I have to admit, that one had not occurred to me.” The laugh track is howling by now.


Okay, says Richard, turning to the big board. “Show me ‘studded leather thong!'”

This is how the current iteration of the Republican party operates. Periodically President Donald will say something so stupid, so malevolently dishonest, so eye-wateringly offensive (to women, to minorities, to our allies, to our global competitors, to anyone with a soul, etc.) that the whole world seems momentarily stunned.

His fellow Republicans are speechless. Some of them may have enough decency to know it’s terrible what he just said. Others agree with him but wish he’d stop saying it out loud because they’re trying to get re-elected. In any case, there’s a pregnant moment where we’re waiting to see what happens.

Then some Republican or other starts clapping and yelling “GOOD ANSWER!” Next thing you know, the whole family has joined in. I mean, a few might go on record chastising President Don, but at the very next opportunity they vote exactly how he tells them to.

Welcome to the GOP Family Feud, where there’s no answer so bad it won’t elicit enthusiastic, unanimous support.

And now our next round. We surveyed 100 audience members and asked for their answers to this question: What should America do about immigration?

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