Steven Mnuchin is a fork-tongued colostomy bag


You are what you pimp.

A few days ago SecTreas Steve Mnuchin said Harriet Tubman won’t be replacing genocidist ex-president Andrew Jackson on the $20 bill while he holds office.

Why? Mnooch’s boss, President Donnie Bag-o-Donuts, called the change (initially proposed by the openly Negro Barack Obama, “pure political correctness” and suggested that Tubman should be added to a far less common denomination, like the $4 bill. So, just following orders.


It wasn’t clear as of press time whether Mr. Mnuchin is himself a herniated pus-pail or if he’s merely carrying water for Trump.

In any case, it isn’t the racism itself that’s so remarkable. More breathtaking by far was the Secretary’s “explanation” for why the move had to wait.

During the hearing, Mr. Mnuchin said that he was now focused on enhancing the anti-counterfeiting security features of the currency, focusing first on the $10 and $50 bills. Designing new imagery is on the back burner.


Because, as anybody with a job in America will tell you, no enterprise with only 87,336 employees can possibly focus on two things at once.

Seriously. Security and design at the same time? That loud thump you just heard was every CEO in America fainting in unison. Remember that time you couldn’t have the house painted because the kitchen faucet was leaky? Right. It’s just like that.

I mean, when Evan Mecham, the legendarily racist former governor of Arizona, tried to stonewall a holiday for Martin Luther King he at least had the decency to hide his malevolence behind a semi-plausible lie. Creating another holiday will cost us millions in lost productivity, went the argument. Which was actually technically true. Unless you got rid of another holiday. Like, I don’t know, Columbus Day?

I feel kinda like Jon from this one old Garfield strip. Garfield was up to something – pilfering a lasagna, I imagine – and trying to look innocent. Jon said “I don’t know which is worse – the lying or the credit you’re giving my intelligence.”

As for Mnooch, you are what you pimp for.

We’re all anxiously awaiting the day karma gets medieval on your ass.


  • This entire article is an affront to self-respecting colostomy bags everywhere. Shame!

  • Actually, because the Arizona Board of Regents (who control the Universities in the state) did recognize MLK day and make it a paid holiday, the Universities were forced to give up Columbus day as a paid holiday. If I recall correctly the Lege did the same when they finally did recognize MLK day…

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