This just in: the surviving members of Aerosmith sell out (BIG TIME), and can somebody get Mr. Perry a tissue?

It has been observed, here and elsewhere, what a fucking embarrassment Steven Tyler has become. Once Aerosmith was among America’s greatest bands, and today they occupy the #5 spot (with a bullet) on my Oh How the Mighty Have Fallen list.

It was refreshing, then, when Joe Perry brought the hammer down on his silly-ass 64-going-on-14 Teen Beat bandmate. Reports TMZ:

Perry went off on Tyler during an interview with the Calgary Herald — saying, “It’s his business, but I don’t want Aerosmith’s name involved with [American Idol]. We have nothing to do with it.”

Perry added, “[Idol] is a reality show designed to get people to watch that station and sell advertising … it’s one step above Ninja Turtles.”

As for the future of the band, Perry once again threatened to replace Tyler — saying, “[You’ve got] four guys that are great together, and if you find the right singer, there’s no reason you can’t go and entertain people.”

Ninja Turtles. Hell YEAH! Kick his ass, Joe! Right out of the band. And by gods, Perry meant business, too – he immediately made sure Tyler understood how serious he was by …. what? … Hold on a second… Oh, this just in: never mind.

Aerosmith has teamed up again with Jack Douglas, who produced the band’s blockbuster albums of the 1970s, and plans to release a long-delayed collection of new songs this summer to coincide with a North American tour.

The veteran Boston hard-rock band made the announcement on Wednesday at a mall in Los Angeles, The Associated Press reported. Steven Tyler, the front man, said he was finishing two final songs for the as-yet-unnamed album, which he said would come out in about three months.

One can only imagine the phalanx of lawyers, financiers, sheep pimps, fluffers and RIAA enforcers assembled in a posh high-rise in downtown LA to ‘splain what’s what to Perry and the rest of Tyler’s backing band. The story doesn’t indicate whether Perry was forced to perform the Devil’s Kiss on Tyler or whether a mere apology sufficed, but in any case, I know we’re all looking forward to the Will Blow You for Money Tour, coming to an open-air amphitheater near you this summer.

Now, can somebody get a mop?

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