Boaty McBoatface, Footy McFooty Face and Trumpkin: WHY do people keep asking the Internet for help?

San Diego’s MLS hopefuls and Crayola ought to have learned from history. 

It started innocently enough in 2012, when the geniuses at Mountain Dew decided to ask the Internet’s help in naming their new “green apple with attitude” flavor. The results included “Hitler Did Nothing Wrong,” “Diabeetus” and “Moist Nugget.”

Shortly thereafter the Slovaks staged an Internet campaign to name a cycling and pedestrian bridge near the capital. Logically enough, voters wanted to name it for … Chuck Norris.

Then, of course, there was the famous 2016 case of the British government soliciting the Internet’s advice on what to name a new research ship. Which of the suggested dignified names would be chosen? Shackleton, perhaps – hard to get more worthy than that, right? Sadly, no. Voters insisted on Boaty McBoatface.

By now you’d think the marketing types would be catching on, wouldn’t you?

You’d be wrong. Recently the good folks hoping to bring the MLS to San Diego decided to – you guessed it – ask the Internet what to name the franchise. Some of the recommendations were okay. The second place vote-getter was “San Diego Surf,” which is so predictable and banal you figure the marketing guys came up with it themselves. At #4 we had a genuinely great idea: Mission San Diego. But at #3 we had the San Diego Bad Hombres, and the winner? By a landslide? Footy McFooty Face. (Just a note, San Diego. Events like this are an ideal opportunity for your detractors to clown you – in this case, LAFC supporters.)


And now it’s gotten even better. Crayola wants your help naming a new color. Some of my favorites so far?

  • Trumpkin
  • All 50 Shades of Grey
  • GOP White
  • Flint Water Brown
  • Alternative Fact White
  • Red State
  • Melted Glacier
  • Red Square
  • White Privilege
  • Pussy Hat Pink
  • Golden Showers Yellow
  • ImPeach
  • White Supremacy

And, of course:

  • Crayony McCrayonface

Why supposedly intelligent folks keep subjecting themselves to the capricious wit of the Net is beyond me. But don’t let me stop you – this stuff is hysterical.

I will say this. If, gods forbid, another little abomination ever claws its way out of Donald Trump’s leprous loins, we must have a binding Internet poll to name it. Charge a dollar per entry and you could fund Meals on Wheels for a decade…

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