Friday Stay at Home
Category Archives: Funny
Kumar Rocker destroys Duke and I nearly die laughing
In which I share a funny moment with myself.
Read moreShit Rudy Giuliani Says
Pro bozo attorney for the Trump Crime Family has said a lot of … interesting … things. Below are 11 quotes. Can you guess which are his and which aren’t?
Read moreThere is no future: the ironic peace of learned hopelessness (#zenofdoc)
We must be prepared to laugh with the universe at the banality of our own immolation. Full moon. Snowfield, vast beneath the mountain: to understand the truth of people, study their contradictions. This morning I posted this little koan (minus graphic) to Facebook: I’m hardly the first to trot out a “there is no future” Zen meme. My grasp of
Read moreI accidentally scared the hell out of my new landlord last night
No cause for alarm… So, your new tenants have just moved into one of your rental properties in another state. Around 8pm on Thursday you get a brief email from one of the tenants – the man, whom by now you have pegged as the less responsible one – asking: Hi. Can you tell us where the water shutoff valve
Read moreRemembering Ralphie May: Smoking with Jesus
Ralphie May, the comedian many of us first encountered on Last Comic Standing Season 1, is dead at the way-too-young age of 45. Today for Saturday Video Roundup we present one of his greatest routines. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGzQpy3lTxA
Read moreI’m passionate about job hunting
You can’t make this stuff up. Fortunately, you don’t have to. I once sat in a meeting and listened as one of our veeps said, and I quote: “I have a real passion for process enhancement.” I’m trying to imagine what it’s like being in bed with a woman whose passions run toward process enhancement. Anyhow, I’ve been doing some
Read moreS&R’s 2017 Word of the Year: “re-accommodation”
Is it too early to name something the ______ of the Year? Heck no. Let’s call it. You probably saw where United Airlines CEO Oscar Munoz lamented the need to “re-accommodate” that uncooperative passenger. What a word, that: “re-accommodation.” It doesn’t just apply to airlines – it’s application is nearly limitless. Every night in bars across America bouncers re-accommodate unruly guests.
Read moreBoaty McBoatface, Footy McFooty Face and Trumpkin: WHY do people keep asking the Internet for help?
San Diego’s MLS hopefuls and Crayola ought to have learned from history. #NewCrayonColors It started innocently enough in 2012, when the geniuses at Mountain Dew decided to ask the Internet’s help in naming their new “green apple with attitude” flavor. The results included “Hitler Did Nothing Wrong,” “Diabeetus” and “Moist Nugget.” Shortly thereafter the Slovaks staged an Internet campaign to name a
Read moreBigly
I know I said I’d never write another poem, but how often do you get to collaborate with a Pulitzer winner? _____ Portrait: Paul Szep Words: @Doc
Read more2016 claims another victim
RIP Santa Claus: 300-2016 AD Go tell the kids – Santa ain’t coming this year.
Read moreOf courier bags and man-purses: women have been right all along
I don’t care if you stuff your pockets until it looks like you’re smuggling carburetors. If you’re too macho to carry a bag, that’s your issue. I can imagine how the conversation would go. My father is still alive and it’s Thanksgiving. We’re having dinner at his place. I walk in, say hello to everyone, and he draws a bead on my latest purchase.
Read moreBig Bang Theory band names, pt 4 (Saturday Video Roundup)
Thor and Dr. Jones LIVE! And we arrive at the final installation in our series of lines from The Big Bang Theory that would make good band names. I love the first one. Liquor and Poor Judgment The Unified Theory of Comedy Malibu Koothrappali and His Totally Bitchin’ Dream House The Wolowitz Coefficient Tangy Bowl of Cheerios
Read moreBig Bang Theory band names, pt 3
Welcome to our ongoing series of great band names drawn from actual Big Bang Theory dialogue. A’one, a’two, a’one two three four… Topless Natalie Portman My Good Robot T-shirt Turbriskafil Haroon and Tanvir
Read moreMy Memoir: Dodgeball
It was the greatest moment of my life. I attended a high school in rural North Carolina that was probably typical of rural high schools in every way, up to and including the sadistic coach/science teacher archetype. At our school it was Coach Kelly. He ran the wrestling program, was an assistant football coach, and, of course, an educator specializing
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lullaby pit 